It's a family affair for the Egg Whisperer
Bay Area fertility doctor Aimee Eyvazzadeh helps people create the families they hope to have while feeling grateful for her own who've made it all possible.
Dr. Aimee Eyvazzadeh, a.k.a. the Egg Whisperer, is a powerhouse in fertility circles. She’s internationally known for her innovative, visionary, and cutting-edge approach to assisted reproductive technologies. In her San Francisco Bay Area practice, she’s equally known for her hands-on and full-hearted approach to fertility care. Her patients call her Dr. Aimee.
For decades, Dr. Aimee’s been on a mission to help people create the families they hope to have. Whether it’s through helping individuals struggling with infertility find ways to have children or as a communicator, sharing her insight and expertise across many platforms.
You can find Dr. Aimee anywhere there’s fertility talk, and quite often, she’s the one who starts the conversation. She’s a top obstetrician and gynecologist voice on social media spreading practical and actionable fertility information. Her name shows up on research panels and in published papers. And she’s a frequent podcast guest and expert source for major news outlets like CNN and the PBS NewsHour.
“There is only one requirement for becoming a parent. LOVE. Your DNA is optional.” - Dr. Aimee
On Dr. Aimee’s Egg Whisperer podcast and blog, she shares the latest research and practical need-to-knows about all things fertility. And you can find loads of Fertility 101 videos on her Egg Whisperer Show. While infertility is a frequent topic, she also focuses content on early awareness so people know their bodies, get checked and understand their possible options, now and in the future.
Dr. Aimee also offers a low-cost Egg Whisperer School course with a step-by-step process for assessing fertility and understanding the basics so individuals can advocate for themselves and start the discussion with their own medical provider.
The depth of Dr. Aimee’s passion for helping people have babies is quite astounding (and I’m not exaggerating here). And so is its longevity—tracing back to when she was three. But it makes sense. Dr. Aimee grew up surrounded by family helping people have babies. Her dad is a retired OB-GYN. Her grandfather was one too. In fact, he founded a hospital in Tehran, Iran, and was widely renowned. And her grandma practiced as a midwife.
Dr. Aimee went to medical school at UCLA and completed her residency in Obstetrics and Gynecology at Harvard Medical School and Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center. At the University of Michigan she earned a fellowship in Reproductive Endocrinology & Infertility as well as a Masters in Public Health Education and Promotion. Dr. Aimee lives in the Bay area with her physician husband and four children.
Earlier this month, I caught up with Dr. Aimee over Zoom. It was a joy being in the presence of her passion. I’m honored to share her thoughts on a wide range of topics, including the changing reproductive landscape, egg and sperm freezing, open donation and menopause. Plus, Dr. Aimee talks about where her drive comes from and what’s keeping her going. (Second half of this interview posted here.)
This interview took place on March 9, 2024. The transcript has been edited for length and readability.
Daphne: I’m really excited to talk with you. I think it’s interesting how you're helping people build families now. But you're also thinking about the next generation, and giving them the information that could help them have more options. When did you decide to become a doctor and how did you know reproductive endocrinology was your passion?
Dr. Aimee: I knew by three I wanted to be a doctor by seeing how my father practiced the way he did—and my grandfather. My grandfather was practicing up until I was in residency. And then in the seventh grade, I knew it was fertility because of the experiences my mom had suffering through miscarriages.
I learned early on that a reproductive endocrinologist was the subspecialty that helps women with miscarriages. Then, all my life—after school and in the summertime—was research, research, research. At UCLA and then I did research on recurrent miscarriage at Harvard. Every summer, I’d fly to Boston in the summer while I was in med school. And when I was an OB-GYN, every waking hour, I was doing research. Then I got the position as a fertility fellow.
I'm crazy passionate. I'm a complete maniac. And that's never gonna change about me. And it's a hard thing for people to relate to. People cannot relate to the energy that I have. It's in my blood. My mom's like, “You need to sleep.” And I’m like, “Look at Daddy, like, did he ever need to sleep?” No, and my grandfather didn't sleep either. I won't tell you how many hours of sleep I'm going on. But I actually don't need the same number of hours as other people.
Daphne: And you can't make yourself either. You had a sleep expert on one of your podcasts who recommended getting up if you can’t sleep. Laying there and not sleeping isn’t going to help. Or stressing about it. And I think you’re right, there are individual differences. I see that in my own family.
Dr. Aimee: My mom and my sister need a lot of sleep. My sister needs at least nine hours. She's a cardiac anesthesiologist, I can't do that. I like to get at least six hours—six is my sweet spot. I feel really good. But my mom and my sister are totally different.
I can practice the way I do because I have a loving family that surrounds me and supports me. It's a family affair and goes back generations.
Daphne: You describe yourself as being wide open and having hyper-empathy. How do you find a line between your personal space and your professional life? Or do you feel like you don't need one?
Dr. Aimee: I don't. Patients come to my house. They get my cell phone. They literally come into my home and I give them their injection if they want. I have patients that come from all over the world; they'll stay at hotels. I'll literally drive them to their hotel on my way home and give them their shot.
For me, this is personal. It's about growing families, and I'm part of their family for the rest of their lives. Hopefully, because I've changed it for the better. And even for families where it didn't work out, I hope that they would never say at least we didn't try our very best. And I hope they felt supported throughout. So for me, there's no crossing the line.
I feel like my patients respect me; they respect my personal time. I give them office hours to call. I tell them anytime they need something, these are my office hours, six to 8pm. You can call me other times, but just know that I won't have my makeup on and might be in my PJs. I do a lot of FaceTime calls while they're doing their shots.
I think the reason why I can practice the way I do is because I have a loving family that surrounds me and supports me. They know that mommy's work is pretty awesome and that she gets to help people have families and have babies.
And I don't just have a husband. I found an amazing partner. Every other man that I met before my husband, was like, “What are you gonna make me for dinner?” But I found someone who's also a doctor, and literally, he tells me what he's made me for dinner every day. He's never like, “You're on the phone again.” Or like, “Who’s this at the door?” Instead he’s like, “Oh, of course. It's one of your patients. Yeah, come on in.” It's like a family affair and really fun and kind of goes back generations.
When I see patients my age wanting to have a baby. I'm like, “I totally want to help you. I can relate to that.”
Daphne: After studying ovaries so much, mostly older ones, do you feel more prepared for perimenopause going into your 40s.
Dr. Aimee: I’m going into my 50s—I'm 48.
Daphne: Okay, I'm 49. But wherever you're at in the transition, do you feel more prepared after spending so much time with women closer to menopause?
Dr. Aimee: Well, what I have to tell you is my secret. So I'm actually trying to prevent menopause. I take a high dose of nicotinamide. And I also take a medication called rapamycin. It’s been shown to reverse menopause and ovarian aging. My FSH is low and my ANC is surprisingly normal. And my cycles are totally regular.
I'm not saying this because menopause is a bad thing. I'm saying this because number one, rapamycin has been shown to improve on increased longevity by 15%. I have a seven year old that I want to be around for her to see her children, I predict she's not gonna have kids until she's 50. So I need to be well into my 90s to see a grandchild from her.
But I'm also doing it as an experiment on myself to see how it goes. So that other patients could potentially benefit from the experience. I can report to them how it went for me. My sister is very much in the throes of menopause and I'm helping her through it.
Note to reader: Nicotinamide is a form of vitamin B3 and rapamycin (sold as sirolimus) is a prescription medication FDA approved to prevent kidney transplant rejection. As Dr. Aimee noted, longevity uses are still experimental. Though some research shows a benefit, more research is needed. Risks are also possible—known and unknown. Talking to a healthcare provider who knows your full medical history is important before taking any medication or supplement.
Dr. Aimee: So when I see patients my age coming in and wanting to have a baby. I'm like, “I totally want to help you. I can relate to that.” But if they go see, like a 32 year old doctor, that doctor would be like, “Oh my God, you're so old. Like, what are you thinking?” I mean, prejudice might be there. But it’s not there for me. I have a patient right now. I love her to death. She's 54 and ready for her second. I'm like, “Let's do it. Let's go.” She’s super energetic.
Daphne: And judgment wouldn’t be on the other side, you know, with an older dad.
Dr. Aimee: No, we only discriminate and judge women. Like Al Pacino, at 100, “Oh, isn't he cute?”
Daphne: So my youngest is eight. Now that your four are all in school and they’re past being little ones, how are you dealing with the transition?
Dr. Aimee: Oh, that's hard. I want another baby. Yeah, that's really hard. My husband does not. And it won't happen for me to have another one. I have tried over the age of 45, and it did not turn into a healthy pregnancy.
I see the baby fever patients bring in, and I get to hold their babies. And I’m okay now. Like, I’ll be okay. But I know that feeling of not being done, even though your eggs are done, and even though you have four kids. Like, I know that sounds crazy to other people, but I don't care. I can relate to the patient who has four kids and still wants a fifth. And I'm going to believe in her and want to help her.
Daphne: Whether someone wants to have a baby or doesn’t want to have a baby—it’s not anyone's business.
Dr. Aimee: But there are people who are like, “Just be happy with what you have and move on.” But I’m like, “If you want another baby and you want to get help to do it, then I'm here to help you.” But ya know, it's hard. Like my husband just makes fun of me.
Daphne: I think it often comes in waves during the 40s. Sometimes you get that feeling and then other times it's like, you’re ready to move on. But of course, not everyone is always around babies, helping people have babies. My husband and I took about a year to decide on our fourth and last. I was on the side of wanting one and he was on the side of not (though he’s so glad we did). But it’s not easy to decide and it doesn’t get openly talked about a lot.
Dr. Aimee: You know, there are men that 100% block women from even having that second child or even block her from having the first. Then later they’re like “Okay, I'm ready now.” and the wife is like 44. So you were married for the last 15 years, and now you're ready, knowing that she's not going to be able to have one at 44?
Daphne: Maybe more of these conversations will happen earlier if everyone gets a fertility education early on. What's the most surprising change in reproductive technology since you began working in the field?
Dr. Aimee: That there's really no change. No, really, I mean that. Genetic testing sucks. It's one of the largest scams in fertility medicine. And what I mean by that is, there are a lot of screening tools for embryos but they’re not used well. So people think that their embryos are really normal, but they're not really. They were just checking the chromosomes. They might be normal but too much importance is being placed on those results.
There's so much more that goes into having a healthy baby than the number of chromosomes. I really wish a time will come when we can do whole genome sequencing on embryos. We're going to get there. And when it does it’ll be the biggest breakthrough. But right now, the most surprising thing for me is that actually not much has changed.
Life is short, so do something every day to make yourself feel alive. Do something every day that will make you vibrate—I don't think I could say that when I was 39.
Daphne: So obviously, the nature of your work is very intense. And you’re clearly very intense by nature. What helps you reset and recover. Because I assume that at some point, you kind of need to have some downtime,
Dr. Aimee: I'm a high energy person and hard to keep up with. And I have this mantra: Do something that makes you vibrate every day. Think about it however you want. For me, it's music. So I love electronic dance music. I have my channels I listen to. Music is really important to me. And I listen to an anxiety and stress relief channel on Spotify.
I also lift weights; I have a stack of weights over there. I lift in between patients. That keeps me going. And I make sure that I get my steps in—at least 8,000 steps a day. And then I sleep with an 80 pound weighted blanket. Literally, I put it on, I’m out, and I sleep solid.
Daphne: Oh, wow. And you can still breathe?
Dr. Aimee: Clearly, yeah. But my husband's like, “Are you dead?” It’s a 40-pound king-sized blanket that I flip in two? My husband has to put it on me and take it off. It gives me a really deep sleep.
But these are things I have to do every day, because I need to be as mentally strong as possible for my patients. My mental health is really important. I can't wake up and say, I really don't want to go to work today. Because I have like 500 people that depend on me. I literally send at least 500 emails out per day. And I need to be fully present. I need to be there.
I need to know who I'm talking to, what their story is, why they're talking to me, and what they're looking for. I can't be like those doctors I hear patients tell me about who don’t even look at their chart. They didn't remember who they were or what they’ve been through. So that's not gonna happen with me. So those are my secrets.
Daphne: I think it’s perfect to have the weights there in your office. You can do little bits here and there.
Dr. Aimee: I'm sitting at it right now, but I also have a standing desk. It can go up and down; I can walk in place. If I want to work long hours, I need to fit in those things that are important to keep me healthy so I can keep doing these things as long as possible.
Being raised by an immigrant family made me stronger.
Daphne: You've talked about your experiences growing up in an Iranian-American family. It’s always interesting how people manage identities in different contexts. Did you feel a lot of pressure to blend into American culture?
Dr. Aimee: I definitely didn't fit in with the last name Eyvazzadeh. And no one really knew any Iranians when I was growing up. They're like, “Did your parents have electricity? Did they have refrigerators? Did they walk around barefoot?” And then I had curly hair when everyone had straight hair. When perms came out, I was like, “This is amazing.” I finally fit in. But I looked ethnic. And the community that I grew up in was not a very ethnically diverse community.
Back then I tried to get into modeling and acting, they said I looked too ethnic. And they tried to get me to get a nose job, which I actually scheduled a few times. But I also always canceled it the night before.
Daphne: Thank goodness.
Dr. Aimee: I think being raised by an immigrant family made me stronger. It was very difficult for my parents. It was a very hard upbringing because of what my parents went through. There's a little bit of paranoia about strangers. I couldn't have sleepovers. It was very rare that I would have a friend over.
I wasn't allowed to have to go to dances. I'll never forget my mom called my homecoming date’s mother and said that I couldn't go. The poor guy had already rented the tux. I felt so bad and the other mother said, “Well, then you have to pay for everything.” And my mom said that she’d happily pay for his expenses, but my daughter is not going.
I'm very lucky that I have parents who valued education and believed that a girl could leave for college.
Dr. Aimee: And a lot of people don’t realize that in Iran, there are Christian minority groups. So I grew up in a Christian family and we are Assyrian. So as Assyrians, we are a Christian minority group from the Middle East. I felt like I was a super minority. If you are Assyrian, you are basically related to me at this point.
I'm very lucky that I have parents who valued education and believed that a girl could leave for college. Because there are some people in my ethnic group who don't encourage their girls to leave the house. I'm very grateful that my mother got my family here. My mom's brilliant. She was an exchange student from Iran to the United States and learned English. Then she went back to Iran and helped all my dad's brothers and sisters get out of Iran in the 70s. She filled out all their paperwork. Now they're all doctors.
My point is that if I lived in Iran, if I even said sperm freezing, I imagine I would not be here. If I encouraged women to freeze their eggs and have egg freezing parties or came up with the TUSHY or BALLS method that I'm screaming at the top of my lungs, I would be in jail in Iran. I wouldn't be able to do the things I'm able to do here. At the same time, it just breaks my heart that the women in Iran are suffering so much. And it kills me.
Daphne: But you're using your voice as much as you can.
Dr. Aimee: As much as I can because I know I have it. I appreciate it. And I'm not gonna stop. And I think the older that I get, the more embarrassing things I can say. It's not embarrassing, but I don't think I could say, “Do something that will make you vibrate every day” when I was 39. Do something that makes your soul vibrate. Because it’s not coming from a weird place. I can see that now. It’s coming from a place of “life is short” so do something every day to make yourself feel alive.
Daphne: Yeah, I love that. I'm thinking about all the conversations that you have. Some really high ones sharing great news, and really difficult ones. What have you learned about having hard conversations?
Dr. Aimee: That it's really important to call the patient yourself. I always make my own calls and that will never change. Fertility medicine has become more and more impersonal and that really breaks my heart. So I make those calls. They're tough, and they're hard on me, but I know it's harder on the patient. So it's not about me, and they want to hear from me and they want to know as soon as possible.
I always make sure that they're in a safe space and that they're not around other people. And I always make sure they know I'm about to deliver news that might not be very good. I make sure they have a chance to step away from what they're doing and call me back. I never leave a message on email, or voicemail unless it's really late and they knew results would come back late but still wanted to know.
If they know that there's this expectation that they're gonna get news, then I will deliver it via email in a really compassionate way and let them know that I want to talk to them the next day about a plan. I always make sure that I check in with them emotionally to see how they're feeling. I have a therapist that I work with and I always offer a support session after I deliver bad news.
Even if I don't have a plan completely thought out, I’ll tell them that I'm going to think long and hard about how we're going to change things next time. But most of the time I already know the next steps. I think people want to be forward thinking, but some news is so devastating that it’s not the time to be their cheerleader. Then I’ll say let's tentatively set up a call in about a week and you can call me when you're ready and take the time you need.
That's generally how I approach the hard calls and I wish everyone could do that. But I know that like 99% of providers do not do that. I feel like everyone deserves that kind of care. And some providers or nursing support staff don’t know the patient's story so it's hard for them to give the plan. People really want to know that there's a way forward.
Second half of this interview linked below.
For more Dr. Aimee, check out her website and subscribe to her newsletter. You can also follow her on Instagram, Twitter (X), Facebook, Medium and YouTube.
And check out my story for , “Does the Biological Clock Still Matter? The Egg Whisperer Weighs in.”
