The Fifty Face Soon to Come
When I think about what my options would’ve been like after 50 a generation or two ago, are eye bags really that bad?
At 48, on the cusp of the aging metamorphosis, I’m a bit scared, but also curious. I’ve always thought of my own body as a science experiment. Puberty. Pregnancy. Illness. Now perimenopause. It’s really interesting to see how a body can change.
Outside of my own headspace, I’m well aware the body is also about power and privilege—how someone looks can determine so much, stupidly so.
So it’s not surprising so much discussion about aging is tied to appearance. I get that. I feel that too. But maybe less so because I’m also in a secure relationship and have a job where no one really cares how I look.
But what I’m more worried about is how it’ll feel living in an old body, from a sensory standpoint.
Dry skin feeling pulled or stretched. Loose skin moving under my chin or around my eyes. Changing eyesight, that might be asymmetrical and not completely corrected with eyewear. And after decades of moving my body unevenly, it’ll age unevenly too. One shoulder feeling tighter than the other. One eye saggier. One leg or foot tiring first.
Forget how it looks. How will that feel?
It seems like a lot of sensory distraction. That’s one reason why I’m sticking with hula dancing. Any kind of choreographed movement might help with sensory integration during this change period.
As I get closer to 50, I think about what that meant for my mom and grandmas.
My grandma Odessa spent her 50s sleeping in a pantry bedroom closet as a caregiver and housekeeper.
My grandma Marie was married middle class. She took business classes at a community college. But the only real jobs available to her were doing dishes at Culvers or nursing homes.
My mom spent her 50s in a beige office building working 60 hours a week, trying to catch up lost earnings. And like other divorced Boomer women, she’s still paying the price for not having her younger years of being the supportive, do-everything spouse compensated. She retired a decade later than my dad, with no pension and a fifth of the wealth.
I don’t know what my 50s will be like, other than my body’s gonna age more quickly. But when I think about what my options would’ve been like a generation or two ago, are eye bags really that bad?
